The Lord of the Rings

This is not a review.

I'm telling you that at the top of this page because it's important.  I'll even repeat it.

This. Is. Not. A. Review.

I cannot review the Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien because I've never actually read the books in full.  The last time I tried, I got to the end of The Two Towers and I just gave up.  I couldn't read anymore.

This post is about my problems reading the books that have become the blueprint for every stupid fantasy since they were published.

Now, it wasn't for lack of trying, you see.

I've tried to read the books about half a dozen times since the movies came out.  I really have.

I've listened to the BBC radio version.  I've heard it's a good adaption.  It kept Tom Bombadil in and that made me extremely happy because that part of the books was my favorite.

I've read about the series.  I've read the Wikipedia page, I've dug up reviews of the series.  I've had my ear talked off about how great the series is and how they'll be the last books I'll ever want to read after I finished them.  I've done something roughly similar to listening to the audiobooks (though I may acquire the real audiobooks and give them a listen some time in the future).  However, I just can't read the series itself for some weird reason.

It may be a mental block.

Or they may be right...

The Lord of the Rings trilogy are the last three books I ever want to read, but that's not right because the Twilight series and anything written by Stephanie Meyer or Cassandra Claire have already stolen that spot.  I never want to read those two authors.  Ever.

Listening to Twilight on audiobook was bad enough.

I don't know why I can't get through the trilogy.  It's not because I know the story by heart by now because I pretty much spoil myself on every book I read.  It is rare that I don't read a full synopsis of the book before I read the actual book.  If I pick up the book, I want to know what the plot it before I dive in most of the time because, to me, it's not really about the plot or the ending... it's about the journey you take while reading the books.

I'm the same way with movies and anime.

So, why can't I read Lord of the Rings when, for me, it's all about the journey anyhow?  Why can't I make it through the long descriptions and the battles and everything else that happens in the books and just get to the bloody ending?

It shouldn't be that hard!


I know this.  I mean, most of the people in my family have slogged through the books, why can't I?

Is there something wrong with me?

I think the problem is I want to bash my way through the books.  I want to get them done and over with like a chore.  Every time I try to read those three stupid books, it's like a bloody homework assignment.  My brain just goes, "if I want to be a great writer and appreciator of literature, I have to read Lord of the Rings"  and so, I pick them up and try to read them again.

Books aren't meant to be read that way.  Books are meant to be read as fun which is the main reason I tend to avoid reading books other people suggest to me.  It's too much like I have to read it for them so they can have fun watching me read the books.  It's like I'm doing homework for them or something.

It's like Harry Potter. When everyone was telling me that I had to pick up and read the series, I could get past the first chapter.  Then my cousin Josh told me not to read the books for anyone but me in my own time.  When I picked up Harry Potter again, I loved it.

I just have to do the same with Tolkien, but I can't do that now because I'm still in the mindset that it's something I have to do, not something I want to do.  In another five years, maybe I'll finally pick them up and read the full trilogy and genuinely love it for the wonder it is.

But not today.

Or tomorrow.

Or when anybody wants me to.

I'll do it on my own goddamned time, thank you very much, and nobody can dissuade me.  I'll probably pick up George R. R. Martin's books around the same time.

So, if someone tells you that you have to read something and you don't want to, keep this in mind.  If it's for school, too bad you have to read it or get an F.  If it's for reading on your free time, ignore them and go read what you want to read.  Even if I'm the one telling you to read it, though you should consider it extra-close because I'm pretty good at picking up books.

Sweet Dreams.