Mirror, Mirror

Mirror Mirror is a 2012 film starring Julia Roberts, Lily Collins, Armie Hammer, Nathan Lane, Sean Bean, Danny Woodburn, Martin Klebba, Sebastian Saraceno, Jordan Prentice, Mark Povinelli, Joe Gnoffo, and Ronald Lee Clark.  If you don't recognize those last seven names, those are the names of the dwarfs, and genuine people of smaller stature and you should pay attention to them.  They're one of the best parts of the movie!

The movie's pretty interesting because it begins narrated by Queen Gertrude (Julia Roberts) who claims that the story is, in fact, all about her.  Like most Snow White stories (unless they're really, really old or written by Tanith Lee), Snow White is the much-wished-for daughter of a king and queen.  Her mother dies in childbirth, the king remarries.  The stepmother and new queen is Queen Gertrude and she is Evil and Crazy.  She convinces the kingdom that Snow White is a poor, quiet shut-in and rules in her stead and taxes the hell out of her subjects.  

It's a pretty interesting take on thing, actually.  The Queen has some of the funniest lines in the whole movie... next to the dwarfs.  Well, one day, Snow White decides to go behind the Queen's back and explore her kingdom to see what they Queen's been doing.  During that time, a prince is out on an adventure when he is robbed by seven very tall bandits... who are actually dwarves on stilts.

You didn't read that wrong.

The dwarves in this movie wear stilts.

It gets better.  Really.

The whole movie is excellent.  In fact, I only have one complaint.

It's a Snow White story... and she doesn't eat the fucking apple.  There is an apple.  There's a kiss of true love, but Snow White doesn't eat the poison apple and she's the one who administers a kiss of true love to someone else (who happens to be the aforementioned prince).

Should you see the movie?

Definitely.  It's funny.  It's an original take on the story.  And the constumes are gorgeous.

... Well most of them.  Snow White's dress in the final scene would be nicer if only it didn't have the big fracking red bow that seems to be trying to look like wings.  

Oh yeah, and I'll warn you, early in the movie it mentions that the subjects used to dance and sing all the time.  Yeah, they weren't joking.  When the story is said and done and the evil queen is defeated... they launch into a BIG BOLLYWOOD-STYLE DANCE COMPLETE WITH MUSIC!!!

It's like, the movie is ending pretty good.  It still manages to be good and funny.  There's an obligatory reference to the original story.

And then the movie drops acid.

Or takes some shrooms.

Or snorts some bath salts.

Either way, Bollywood-style dance commences and you're left confused and kind of... flabbergasted.  My buddy Cynthia and I were trapped between "What the fuck?" and "This is so bad, it's good!".  We just ended up laughing and decided that the movie was awesome regardless of the crazy ending.

Hey! At least they didn't end with Babies Ever After... though that could have led into a sequel hook which would've been an adaption of Snow White & Rose Red.  That would've been cool...

Sweet Dreams!