A Little Doctor Who Fridge Logic

WARNING: SPOILERS!!! If you haven't seen Series 6 of the New Series of Doctor Who, I want you to get out and go play catch up or live your life. If you read this, I'll... be very upset and imagine ways to kill you.

So, I just woke up maybe fifteen minutes to a half an hour ago. This is important for this whole Fridge Logic Post thing because I haven't had my morning tea yet and that really counts for a lot of my brain's higher functions before ten in the morning.

Anyhow! I was trying to get back to sleep and thinking about Doctor Who because, well... That's what I do. I'm Hanorah. Haven't you read my blog? You're reading it now.

Well, I was thinking about the New Series companions and why they don't work for me... anymore.  When I first started watching Doctor Who, the series was still on Scifi (and it was still called Scifi) and the show itself was between Series Three and Series Four. I literally caught up in the time between seasons which is rather easy because these days there's so much time between series.

Now, when I first started watching the show, I found some of the similarities between myself and the Doctor's companions to be intriguing and hilarious and a bit off-putting at times. My middle name is Rose and sometimes I think some of my worst qualities come out in that particular character. I also frequently considered going into medicine and becoming a medical student like Martha Jones, but instead I just work in the medical field first in nursing homes and now at a tissue bank. The human body fascinates me and I could do a similar trick that Martha did with the bones of the hand, but with the blood vessels of the human body due to my mortuary background.

I was nothing like Donna in any way but insecurities, and I think that's why she was my favorite. Also... Donna just wanted to be friends with the Doctor.  BESTEST BEST FRIENDS, but friends none the less. Although, everyone thought they were married, they were just great friends. This was great after three seasons of two girls and their crushes on the Doctor.

Now, when I'm tired my brain starts to drift horribly, but you'll see why I'm explaining all this in a minute because this is my 7:15 AM thought process.

So, comparing Rose to Martha to Donna and their arcs and story lines, I realized why the idea of a romance with the Doctor just... doesn't work for me with Rose and Martha, but with River Song... I'm not that upset about it. I don't love it, but I accept it. I don't hate River Song the way I've some to despise Rose-Fucking-Tyler.

Why?

I mean, both romances are improbable and, at times, stupid. Both romances end in "tragedy". Both romances at times seem a little forced and just... UGH!

So why the big hate for Rose and not River? Well, I did go through FOUR SEASONS of Rose being the "perfect" companion and the Doctor's "TWOO WUV" down my throat whereas the River thing only comes up when she shows up which was very frequent in Series Six, but otherwise once to three times a season for Series Five and Seven with Series Six having the most Rose exposure. Also, you already know how the romance will end. River goes to the Library and dies for a Doctor who's never met her.

But, to get down to it, the MAIN reason why Rose and Martha don't work for me as the Doctor's romantic opposites while River does is something we learn in Series Six.

Rose and Martha are purely human girls just like you me, and that girl next-door. They have a life expectancy of about eighty years, one hundred IF they take care of themselves and don't do anything stupid. The Doctor is a TIME LORD with a nearly limitless number of years to live. Humans are ants to him... or maybe dogs... or pet ferrets. He likes us. He sometimes brings us into his TARDIS and takes us with him on walkies through time and space, but we aren't as intelligent as him and running around with him through time and space is not good for our health.

... So a human having a relationship with the Doctor is like your dog and you getting married and having babies. It's bestiality pure and simple and I just wish people would take a moment to really take that in for a moment or two. Yes, the Doctor is a very good dog--I mean human-owner, but this is brought even more to like with Lucy Saxxon, the Master's "companion" who he basically treated like shit just to show how horrible he could be. True, in the end, Lucy bit back, but that's what happens when you mistreat your pets.

Yes, the Doctor thinks of humans as friends, but I thought of my dog, Ebony, as my loyal friend and sometimes I did think she was smarter than me, but I wasn't going to start a romantic relationship with her. I'm not Captain John Hart. I don't think Poodles or Labradors are gorgeous.

Now, this isn't even the Fridge Logic part of this whole thing. Because this still doesn't explain River Song and why I'm okay with her.

Well, it does a little if you remember Series Six, but I'm going to go a bit further into it than you think. River isn't "just a human" as we all learn in Series Six. Somehow she got Time Lord DNA in her system which we all already know.

There's just one problem with that. Having sex in the time vortex and conceiving a kid should not make that child a Time Lord. From the moment I heard that explanation in "A Good Man Goes to War", it has not sat well with me one bit.

I can accept that somehow River Song's DNA is mutated to be similar to that of a fully trained Time Lord's. I don't like it, but I can accept it because it makes her a suitable romantic interest for the Doctor. They're nearly the same. It doesn't strike me quite as much as bestiality and it makes the whole thing complicated, but we all know it doesn't work out in the end anyhow so... yeah...

However, two people bumping uglies in the TARDIS while it flies through the time vortex should not do that, otherwise there would be tons of River Songs out there. Ian and Barbara would've had a River Song. The Doctor would've had and uber-River Song with Romana, Ben and Polly would've had a River Song, Jamie would've had a River Song with two different women. There would be River Songs by companions I haven't met yet because I'm still in the Second Doctor's era. The world would be inundated with part-Time Lord, mostly human brats running around and acting bad ass.

Fortunately, it isn't.

So... why is River Song special? How did this baby come to be a suitable romantic partner for the Doctor in my very messed up head by being part-Time Lord? And for the sake of this whole thing, I'm pretending Time Lord is somehow a race when in reality, it's a title you earn by graduating from the Academy if any modern writers paid any attention to the OLD SERIES.

Just letting you know. Admittedly, Time Lords do use technology to alter their own DNA so I'm willing to accept that some sequences are particular to Time Lords and somehow River has them, but I'm not happy about it and I'm letting you know here.

So, 7:20 AM and I'm laying in bed thinking about all this stuff and it hits me:

RORY!!!

You called?

Rory died in Series Five. He then got sucked through a crack in time. He was remembered and brought back, but he remembers things from his time as and Auton and the Last Centurion. To me, he's probably just the coolest companion out there and severely underrated. Also, he has sperm.

That's important. All of the Doctor's female companions have eggs and those are pretty much finished developing and unchangeable by the time we're born. It's just a sad fact. My eggs are never changing and they're dying every month. I swear I flushed a Hitler egg or a Jesus egg last month. The cramps were horrible.

However, Rory has sperm and they can be affected by anything if they're too hot, if you smoke pot, if you take certain drugs, if your under certain amounts of stress. They're subject to constant change.

... And Rory fell through a crack in time... while dying. Yes, he got better, but they never go into how that could've affected him... or his sperm. He just went off, got married to Amy and stayed convinced that she could never really love him for most of the series the whole time possibly having the most bad ass sperm in the universe mutated by time crashing in on itself.

Really, the Silence shouldn't have grabbed Amy, they should've grabbed Rory and used his sperm to make and army of River Songs, but everyone always wants to blame the mother with the womb and changes to the baby in utero when, DNA is something affected by eggs AND sperm making both equally important. Both should've been flesh golems and then Series Six would've missed one of the most bad ass Doctor Who moments ever... but that would've just made the Silence smarter.

So... yeah, that's my Fridge Logic. River Song isn't special because her parents had sex in the time vortex, though that had to affect Rory's sperm too. She's special because Rory's been through so much crap it had to affect his swimmers causing the DNA in them to recombine into new patterns... some matching that of Time Lords.

I was really excited when I put this together so I hopped out of bed and wrote it all down here. So, Rory is the most awesome companion. His sperm are sacred. He should definitely try to capitalize on that in the past. And I'm going to go have my cup of tea.